Choosing To Change

The first (and many would rightly argue most vexatious) step towards resolving an issue is recognising that the issue exists.

Denial is the softer short-term option. A feigned lack of awareness can be a ploy to avoid confrontation. But there is very little bliss in deliberate ignorance.

Following close behind recognition comes either acceptance or rejection. The former demands no action; the latter requires it.

Ultimate responsibility for the resolution of our own issues rests with us. Other people – no matter how well intentioned – are unable to fix things they did not break in the first place. At the very best they can make suggestions and offer support. They can boost morale and offer moral support. They can be a companion but not a conscience.

Failure to accept their actual limitations can result in the best intentioned becoming enablers. Those not ready to confront their own demons can be only too happy to allow someone else to make the effort and to repeatedly pick up the pieces. It’s often all too simple to hand ownership of an issue to another person. But responsibility is not something that is transferable. An attempted transaction between two parties can be difficult and ultimately damaging to the individuals and their relationship. The issue remains, perhaps enhanced by the interference.

The line between being an aide and an enabler is often crossed because it’s blurred by emotion and good intent. More often than not, however,  focus and concentration are muddied by guilt. The heart pushes us in directions the head tells us not to go. The problem is that the knowing does not stop us from going.

Every one of us must reach a point where we decide to make changes. It’s an inescapable responsibility. But we are only able to change ourselves. That’s an inescapable truth.