There can often be a difference between the person we know ourselves to be and the person we present in public. And that presentation can vary depending on the audience.
The passage of time results in the development of emotional and spiritual veneers – protective shields that we can swap and change at will. Some are thicker than others. All are burdensome.
The problem with shields is that while they can protect from hurt and pain getting in they can also block love and tenderness. And while they can prevent invasion they can also prevent expression. Individuals can become so self-protective that they lose touch with their true emotions. Their focus is skewed. Isolation results. Sadness ensues.
We need to regularly re-evaluate the value of the veneers we have created; the shields we have built; the protections we have put in place. Are they hampering more than they are helping? Have we become a victim of what we created with the intention to protect ourselves?
That’s not to say that we should discard our veneers entirely. After all we have a duty of care and that duty of care starts with ourselves. Guarded and cautious is the opposite of exposed and vulnerable. It takes work to find the middle and safest ground between the extremes. It takes honesty.
All the while we should bear in mind that we are simply unable to change the people around us. We can’t tell them which of their veneers is acceptable. We can’t live another person’s life for them.
All we can do with any degree of certainty is to work on ourselves; to strive for improvement in all aspects of our life with the objective of becoming the best person it is possible for us to be.
That person is an individual and that person is unique.
Gary Bentley Counselling 